The Elevator From Hell

 This may lead to mass demonstrations, rock throwing, verbal insults and pure hysteria. In addition to an inconsistent unreliable internet connection the operator of my phone has messed up some settings. SOOOOOO the result is no photos till we figure this out. I have no idea what I did or how to fix it. I keep taking photos but an unable to link them to the blog. 

If you are one of my friends who only looks at photos, so sorry, but now you have to actually read to find out what is going on.

We are now safely in Madeira.......arrived at 2:00am Tuesday. After spending the better part of our remaining lifetime in the airport in Lisbon. While there were learned some handy life skills.......like when you are number 66 in the line to the ladies room you find alternatives. For example use a cane and creatively limp to the unoccupied handicapped restroom. Donna had no cane so I pretended she was my caregiver and we both were able to avoid disastrous consequences. We also learned it is nearly impossible to sleep sitting up on a hard metal chair with metal armrests.......you must find another way before you kill someone out of shear exhaustion. On the top floor of the terminal there were a few reclining chairs. We kept a close eye on them, since all were occupied with sleeping people. Donna had small binoculars in her carry on. We used them to spy on the areas with the chairs. When the occupants woke up and appeared to be gathering their belongings to depart we dashed to that area.  As they left we entered the cubicle containing the chairs. We think we may be ready to participate in the television series "Survivor". 

We want you to know our flight problems were not due to any screw up on our part. Had nothing to do with military time. Our original tickets were just fine with only a two hour layover. However when our boarding passes were issued, TAP Portugal Airlines decided to change the last leg of our flight here. We were not the only travelers they did that to. We met several groups of travelers who had been placed on later flights by TAP with no notice or explanation. That is why people were laying on the floor all over the terminal trying to sleep. 

The hotel here in Funchal, Madeira.......is enormous. Quite elegant with modern decor, lots of glass and an amazing breakfast buffet. It is surrounded by public gardens and the view from our 5th floor room is breathtaking. It is easy to get turned around and disoriented by the multiple stories, long hallways, and lack of signs. We were highly motivated and hungry. After departing the elevator multiple times and discovering it was the wrong floor we followed the sound of voices and smell of food, down a flight of stairs to the restaurant. The stairs were steep and we were sure their must be elevator access if we could just figure our which set of elevators to take. Reception told us to push the button marked CF and it would take us to the proper floor. So we did that the next day and wound up at the same set of stairs. It seemed to us that if we managed to get back to our room going up the elevator we should be able to come back down the same set of elevators to the restaurant. Right? Logical? Nope, Did not work that way. We sort of needed an elevator that went sideways and was not playing Twilight Zone music.......it became like the movie where the same day keeps repeating. I think it was called Groundhog Day. We will not reveal how many times we pushed that button and arrived at the wrong floor. I have a blister on that finger. 

Other people managed to find the restaurant but how? We asked complete strangers for directions. Donna is friendly and can get anyone to talk even if they don't know English they will respond to her. Usually in a friendly manner. People would tell us to just push the button. The front desk said, just push the button marked CF. We took great care to do so. Every single time we wound up at those steep stairs. We felt invisible and like the elevator had an agenda. Late yesterday a lady entered the elevator and asked us how to get to the roof top pool. That is one of two destinations we figured out, the other being how to get to our room. When Donna told her we were still trying to find the elevator to the restaurant she told us to just push R. R means reception desk and the restaurant access is on that floor. The lady had been pushing R to go to the "roof" and kept winding up at reception. We still do not know what CF really represents but I suspect it could mean "confused females".....they have a special floor for those. 

We have been sight seeing, rode the wooden toboggan down the mountain and taking lots of photos. Donna noticed a couple taking photos at an old fort. The man would take photos of the lady and then she would take photos of him. They posed in various areas of the fort. Donna asked if they would like her to take a picture of them together. They were delighted and got close together for the picture. Donna took several of them and then suggested they kiss for the next one. They did not speak English very well so she pantomimed and they got the idea. Afterwards they were giggling and then the man said, "We don't really know each other. We were just taking photos".